Ask Detective Stubbs

We sat down at Denny’s with Detective Stubbs for his morning omelette. He is a regular here. Many of the staff and customers wave and smile as they pass. A waitress tells us that Det. Stubbs always orders the same thing, a Denver omelette with a tall glass of blood red tomato juice.

Jim Stubbs always wears a suit and a badge. He doesn’t have many hobbies. He believes in justice and egg whites only in his omelette.

Why did you decide to become a detective?

I have a profound sense of right and wrong. Always have. Since I was a kid I believe you should follow the rules and if you don’t, you should be punished.

What’s so great about Denver omelettes?

The diced ham, green peppers and onions. The egg whites too.

Do you miss Denver?

Denver……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Do you have a dog?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………WHAT? Sorry. Got a headache there for a second. What’s the question?

What do you do to unwind?

I like to come home, take off my gun and badge and then just sit and watch TV. I often feel like I’m waiting for someone to get home but I live alone so that’s a really weird feeling.

Have you ever bitten someone for no reason?

Yes.

Where do you buy your detective suits?

Thrift stores.

Are you married?

Yes. Wait….no. Hmmmmmmm…..I THINK maybe I was. I’m not sure.

Do you mow your own lawn or hire someone?

I live in a small, one bedroom apartment in Culver City. No lawn. I do have a pink flamingo in a pot of potting soil outside my door though.

Det. Stubbs finishes his omelette and then looks out the window for a long time. So long, in fact, that we slip out without him noticing.


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