Ask Detective Romero

We met up with Det. Romero out doing some shopping. He wouldn’t let us see what was in the bag but it had a fairly strange odor. Det. Romero likes to wear cargo shorts so he can tan his discolored leg (which he borrowed from a poor fellow who didn’t need it anymore).

Quite the ladies man, our interview was interrupted many times with calls and texts. “Excuse me,” he says as he picks up his iPhone and walks a few feet away, still grasping his shopping bag.

“Hello? Oh, hey Esmeralda. Sure. Your place. I know. Must be after dark. I knock on crypt door with secret knock.”

He shifts the bag to the other arm. “I got both dark and white meat. Oh sure. Rare. Both. Okay, I see you tonight after moon is up.”

Even though he is a molten green shade, Carmen Romero appears to be blushing. He quickly stuffs his bags into his “car” and sat with us for a coffee at a sidewalk cafe. After burping loudly several times, we got started.

I heard a rumor that you solved the Jack the Ripper case. Is that true?

RAWR! (He flings the table up in the air) Still upset! SOLVED! But bitten by zombie before make it back to tell constable! RAWR!!!

Me okay now. (He replaces the table and smiles at people as they regain their seats)

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes. Um. No. Me coy!

Do you hang out with Det. Stubbs when you’re not solving crimes?

Yep! Me and he go snorkling and spear fishermen. Oops! Spear fish, man.

Are you going to marry Zelda?

Yes and no. She want kids. I want kid too. But kids like candy and me on diet.

What does Zelda smell like?

Autopsy! Yummy!

Do you have a dog?

Yes. Name is Burp.

Where do you live?

In beach house near beach. Like Jim Rockford.

How many cars do you have?

2. Beemer and hearse. Drive hearse on weekend. Great way to go for take-out.

What’s your favorite dish you like to cook?

BRAAAAI…braised lamb.

Do you have a shower radio?

No. Have car radio, though. And table radio. Picnic radio. Desk radio. Radio for bicycle and skateboarding. How much radio I need!?!?

Det. Romero was fairly distracted by our radio question and continued to mumble for a while. He stood looked at the sky. We discovered he had already paid the check. We were going to thank him but he only smiled and waved us off. “No worries. Hope you like the organic blend too.”

Before we could process that he tricked us into drinking brains laced lattes, his phone rang again.

“Hello? Oh, hi there, Griswelda…”


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