Ask Detective Bankes

We drove our car alongside Detective Bankes as he was out for his daily run. He was pulling a small plane with one hand while engaging in hand to hand combat with a ninja. ”Yeah, this is my Monday and Tuesday work out. The rest of the week, I climb buildings and punch crime in the face.”

Detective Bankes has a very distinctive way of fighting ninjas. He yells crime fighting catch phrases at them. It’s kind of odd.

“Eat my pureed justice!”

“BOOM, you’re incarcerated.”

“Your clown shoe size is… ARRESTED!”

“Your face smells like gym socks!”

So that led us to our first question.

Why are you so intense?

Life isn’t a game.

Yeah but… 

Did I stutter, game boy?


Okay, then. Continue.

I’m afraid to now. 

Are you a criminal?


Well, okay then. The other reason I’m intense is… I didn’t get toys when I was a kid… I got a black belt and nunchucks.

What does Det. Stubbs smell like?

Detective Stubbs smells like rotten cheese and bad breath.

Are you afraid of Det. Romero? Even just a little bit?

I am not afraid of anyone… but Det. Romero doesn’t give me the heebie jeebies so… next question.

What’s your favorite sandwich?

I like a mean grilled cheese with hot sauce.

How fast can you run?

Cheetah speed, if I’m out in the open. When indoors, normal speed.

Do you believe in zombies, ghosts or vampires?

I believe in destroying them and sending them back to the Netherworld. Did that answer your question? 

Yes. Please don’t hit me with that ninja. Are you married?

No. I’m married to justice and safety.

Do you have a cat?

Yes, his name is Plato.

Describe your silliest dance.

My silliest dance is a cross between the C Walk and the Moon Walk. It is known as the Space Gangsta or the Moonlit “G.”

And with that… Det. Bankes ran across the street and saved a kitten from a burning house and then body slammed a car for illegally parking in the red. 

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