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Thanks for watching Stubbs & Romero. We’re interested to see if people want more. New capers, new characters and more story lines involving Detectives Jim Stubbs and Carmen Romero. Jim has just learned that he’s a zombie. And his much older zombie partner has a few things to teach him about being undead.

Would you like to see more? We’re taking a little poll. Post your comment to this post and let us know your thoughts.

If you want to see all five episodes again, click on our YouTube button to the right or watch them below.

Stubbs & Romero: Episode 1 “Partners”

Stubbs & Romero: Episode 2 “Dust in the Wind”

Stubbs & Romero: Episode 3 “Zelda”

Stubbs & Romero: Episode 4 “Squeaky Clean”

Stubbs & Romero: Episode 5 “Stacey”

Det. Carmen Romero’s Advice to Mankind
as told to a very scared intern

Detective Romero has asked me to translate this article (warning) so that you can better be prepared in case of a zombie apocalypse. He isn’t always clear so it’s hard to completely understand him. He’s only clear after he drinks his “coffee” or has a “snack.” Suffice it to say, I don’t like to be around Det. Romero when he’s hungry.

This is what Det. Romero wants to tell you…

First of all, if there’s a Zombie Apocalypse (we prefer the term Enlightened Transition), you probably were asking for it. Look at what you’ve done to the Earth. There’s pollution, too many viral videos involving surprised pets, long bangs and Fred Figglehorn.

I’m not saying that we really want to take over the world because we like our leisure time and the stress of running things makes everyone cranky. All work and no eating brains makes Jack a… okay, now I’m hungry again.
Plus, we tend to fight amongst ourselves when the food supply runs low. Then there’s the smell. Don’t get me started on the smell.

But… we do have a plan in case you all get out of hand and more hoity toity than you already are.

I must say that I am conflicted because I’m a peace officer and sworn to uphold the law. However, if that law were to be compromised, I see some slippage in its interpretation.

I really don’t want to freak you guys out but if we do ever gather in mass around the world, well, you’re supper. No offense and nothing personal really. See, we are nature’s balance. And not to burst your bubble, it’s happened before. We just wait it out and let you get comfortable for a few centuries or so and then… BAM!

I think you also know deep down that we are going to win. Your films do feature the hero taking quite a few of us down but in the end, Bill Murray dies and you’re still running for your lives.

I’ve read many of your “Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guides” and although I find them amusing, you should take me seriously when I say that most of these are founded in silliness and will get you munched upon.

So in the interest of leveling the playing field for the coming Enlightened Transition, here’s a few pointers from our point of view for saving your bacon:

The depiction of zombies in your movies and TV programs is not accurate. You know how Europeans watch American TV and think that we’re all fat hillbillies who marry our cousins?

That’s how it is in the zombie world. For some reason, your writers and filmmakers have only been exposed to one type of redneck zombie. Trust me when I say that this will be your undoing.

We are not dumb. And… we are legion.

That head shot thing is not a thing. We can still survive.
Don’t gather in groups so much. It’s like a Texas BBQ cook-off. We can smell you from miles away.

What’s with the shopping malls? We do have a few who enjoy their Juicy or Forever 21s but you’re probably safe there for a while.

But do avoid the Mac store. We love those.

One thing that you have gotten right especially in your Zombieland film… cardio is important. We’ve got our share of slobs but you’ve got to be on your toes, pal. We have quite a few on our side who can run faster than Usain Bolt so hit that gym and eat your Wheaties.

We don’t really want to kill you. Now and again, someone will get out of line and go too far but on the main, we’d simply like to recruit you. Make sense?

We go for the hot girls last. We date the smart girls. We turn the strongest of you. We have been known to reject many of your political leaders and pop stars. So hide out in their houses. But now that I’ve told you that, we’ll probably look there first.

I hope that you all calm down and learn to love the planet more and be nicer to each other and celebrate the good things you do.

If you don’t, well, in the words of Bruce Campbell in that situation… run.

In the second episode, Detectives Stubbs and Romero try to figure out why bakers are being roughed up all over town. Romero discovers false advertising. Det. Parker is teased about his fainting incident. Chief shows his fondness for good detective work. Bankes, as usual, just wants to punch someone in the face.

We sat down at Denny’s with Detective Stubbs for his morning omelette. He is a regular here. Many of the staff and customers wave and smile as they pass. A waitress tells us that Det. Stubbs always orders the same thing, a Denver omelette with a tall glass of blood red tomato juice.

Jim Stubbs always wears a suit and a badge. He doesn’t have many hobbies. He believes in justice and egg whites only in his omelette.

Why did you decide to become a detective?

I have a profound sense of right and wrong. Always have. Since I was a kid I believe you should follow the rules and if you don’t, you should be punished.

What’s so great about Denver omelettes?

The diced ham, green peppers and onions. The egg whites too.

Do you miss Denver?


Do you have a dog?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………WHAT? Sorry. Got a headache there for a second. What’s the question?

What do you do to unwind?

I like to come home, take off my gun and badge and then just sit and watch TV. I often feel like I’m waiting for someone to get home but I live alone so that’s a really weird feeling.

Have you ever bitten someone for no reason?


Where do you buy your detective suits?

Thrift stores.

Are you married?

Yes. Wait….no. Hmmmmmmm…..I THINK maybe I was. I’m not sure.

Do you mow your own lawn or hire someone?

I live in a small, one bedroom apartment in Culver City. No lawn. I do have a pink flamingo in a pot of potting soil outside my door though.

Det. Stubbs finishes his omelette and then looks out the window for a long time. So long, in fact, that we slip out without him noticing.

We met up with Det. Romero out doing some shopping. He wouldn’t let us see what was in the bag but it had a fairly strange odor. Det. Romero likes to wear cargo shorts so he can tan his discolored leg (which he borrowed from a poor fellow who didn’t need it anymore).

Quite the ladies man, our interview was interrupted many times with calls and texts. “Excuse me,” he says as he picks up his iPhone and walks a few feet away, still grasping his shopping bag.

“Hello? Oh, hey Esmeralda. Sure. Your place. I know. Must be after dark. I knock on crypt door with secret knock.”

He shifts the bag to the other arm. “I got both dark and white meat. Oh sure. Rare. Both. Okay, I see you tonight after moon is up.”

Even though he is a molten green shade, Carmen Romero appears to be blushing. He quickly stuffs his bags into his “car” and sat with us for a coffee at a sidewalk cafe. After burping loudly several times, we got started.

I heard a rumor that you solved the Jack the Ripper case. Is that true?

RAWR! (He flings the table up in the air) Still upset! SOLVED! But bitten by zombie before make it back to tell constable! RAWR!!!

Me okay now. (He replaces the table and smiles at people as they regain their seats)

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes. Um. No. Me coy!

Do you hang out with Det. Stubbs when you’re not solving crimes?

Yep! Me and he go snorkling and spear fishermen. Oops! Spear fish, man.

Are you going to marry Zelda?

Yes and no. She want kids. I want kid too. But kids like candy and me on diet.

What does Zelda smell like?

Autopsy! Yummy!

Do you have a dog?

Yes. Name is Burp.

Where do you live?

In beach house near beach. Like Jim Rockford.

How many cars do you have?

2. Beemer and hearse. Drive hearse on weekend. Great way to go for take-out.

What’s your favorite dish you like to cook?

BRAAAAI…braised lamb.

Do you have a shower radio?

No. Have car radio, though. And table radio. Picnic radio. Desk radio. Radio for bicycle and skateboarding. How much radio I need!?!?

Det. Romero was fairly distracted by our radio question and continued to mumble for a while. He stood looked at the sky. We discovered he had already paid the check. We were going to thank him but he only smiled and waved us off. “No worries. Hope you like the organic blend too.”

Before we could process that he tricked us into drinking brains laced lattes, his phone rang again.

“Hello? Oh, hi there, Griswelda…”

We drove our car alongside Detective Bankes as he was out for his daily run. He was pulling a small plane with one hand while engaging in hand to hand combat with a ninja. ”Yeah, this is my Monday and Tuesday work out. The rest of the week, I climb buildings and punch crime in the face.”

Detective Bankes has a very distinctive way of fighting ninjas. He yells crime fighting catch phrases at them. It’s kind of odd.

“Eat my pureed justice!”

“BOOM, you’re incarcerated.”

“Your clown shoe size is… ARRESTED!”

“Your face smells like gym socks!”

So that led us to our first question.

Why are you so intense?

Life isn’t a game.

Yeah but… 

Did I stutter, game boy?


Okay, then. Continue.

I’m afraid to now. 

Are you a criminal?


Well, okay then. The other reason I’m intense is… I didn’t get toys when I was a kid… I got a black belt and nunchucks.

What does Det. Stubbs smell like?

Detective Stubbs smells like rotten cheese and bad breath.

Are you afraid of Det. Romero? Even just a little bit?

I am not afraid of anyone… but Det. Romero doesn’t give me the heebie jeebies so… next question.

What’s your favorite sandwich?

I like a mean grilled cheese with hot sauce.

How fast can you run?

Cheetah speed, if I’m out in the open. When indoors, normal speed.

Do you believe in zombies, ghosts or vampires?

I believe in destroying them and sending them back to the Netherworld. Did that answer your question? 

Yes. Please don’t hit me with that ninja. Are you married?

No. I’m married to justice and safety.

Do you have a cat?

Yes, his name is Plato.

Describe your silliest dance.

My silliest dance is a cross between the C Walk and the Moon Walk. It is known as the Space Gangsta or the Moonlit “G.”

And with that… Det. Bankes ran across the street and saved a kitten from a burning house and then body slammed a car for illegally parking in the red.